Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
should my penis look like a turkey
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
