I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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