That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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