I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
