I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
