I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
