You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
