I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
