I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
