I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
