How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
