i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
