I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
