He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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