ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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