Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
