I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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