She is in my trunk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
