Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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