Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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