when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
