He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
whose parrot is this?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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