I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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