Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize