I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
