I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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