My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
