my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
