My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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