i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What drink are we having for lunch?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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