Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
