I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
