i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
