You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
