remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
