You don't have asthma, your pregnant
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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