i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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