remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
