I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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