I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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