You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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