one two three fourrrrnication!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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