I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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