Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
