This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
