And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
