I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
