We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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