Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
