I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
